Author’s note: for a quick read on why you shouldn’t vote in November 2018 either, scroll down to the September 2018 update.
I suspect a lot of people have made the decision not to vote this year. They don’t want to have anything to do with this election or our candidates, though I’m not sure why. There is a clear choice. One talks too much and the other doesn’t say enough. When it comes to policy one candidate wants to give away the farm and the other says he wants to take it back and make it better. One wants to welcome foreigners with open arms. The other wants to kick them out.
That seems like a pretty clear cut decision, doesn’t it?
There are always people who decide not to vote. Some probably never have. They will tell you it doesn’t matter who is elected, or that the election is rigged, or that their one puny vote won’t make a difference, or that they don’t like who is running.
How pathetic. If you have decided not to vote, at least come up with something original.
For Americans who choose to sit this one out, here are some good reasons not to vote in November. They aren’t forgivable. You should still renounce your citizenship and ask Kim Jong-un if he will take you in, but at least they make sense.
Great reasons not to vote in November
1. You are a Democrat
Please stay away from the polls if you aren’t a Republican. You must have some friends, neighbors, or coworkers who are supporting Trump and will thank you for giving them a break. Listening to Hillary stumble over half-truths, lies, and made-up stories for four years is more than we can stomach.
2. You are a Republican
Don’t be a sellout and vote for the only chance to keep Clinton out of office. Don’t change your position like Ted Cruz and support Trump at the last moment. You’ll be in good company with the likes of Mitt Romney, Robert Gates, and George H.W. Bush.
Stay home. Help put Hillary in office.
When it’s over and the nation is celebrating the reinauguration of the Clintons, you can let all your conservative friends know that you held fast.
3. You are an illegal immigrant
Yeah, we know. You are an American in all ways but one. We get it. If the vote was worth protecting we’d protect it. Since no one seems to give a damn you can vote if you want, but please stay away if for no other reason than it makes those citizens who choose not to cast a ballot look bad.
4. You don’t want to hand a mandate to a moron
It’s a little late for that. If Americans were going to throw the “we aren’t supporting anyone until you come up with somebody decent” card, that opportunity vanished many months ago. Still, you can always join in and tell anyone who cares that you won’t vote for Trump because he’s stupid and doesn’t understand the issues. You should know. You are more successful and can prove it, can’t you?
5. You don’t want to listen to impeachment hearings for four years
This is only a valid reason not to vote if you fall under #1. Do you really want to listen to years of hearings, testimony, and an endless stream of Clinton lackeys taking the 5th? We went through this with Obamacare. Enough is enough.
6. You don’t have any ID
Gotcha. This is America. We don’t care about that.
The one good reason you should vote
Look, we are going to be stuck with one of these charlatans no matter how many reasons we can come up with not to vote. At least if you show up at the polls – and have a right to vote – you can say you didn’t vote for the other guy (no sexism intended, Mrs. Clinton).
UPDATE September 30, 2018: only one good reason to vote this November
I wrote this post two years ago. Nothing has changed for the better since I hit the “publish” button and a good number of things are worse.
Let’s reflect back on what’s new for 2018’s November midterm election.
If you are a Democrat, you should vote
I’ll admit that #1 is probably the only good reason to vote in the 2018 midterms. Democrats have a lot to hope for. Republicans not so much. Their only goal is to hang on to what they have.
Let’s go to #2.
Republicans face disaster, still won’t stick together
If you are a Republican you probably spent some TV time last week watching Brett Kavanaugh defend himself to a pack of left wing Senate hyenas. Worse, you watched Republican Jeff Flake open the door to an FBI investigation which, mark my words, will end this nomination once and for all because like the Russia probe it will never have an end until Democrats get what they want.
We got tax reform. Democrats will no doubt be successful using it against us. That’s about all we have to hang our conservative hat on.
Time and again Republicans gain a foothold and give it up because they can’t grasp the simple idea that unity brings strength.
Big win for illegal aliens
#3: illegal immigrants helped fragment the GOP and turned the president into a villain for trying to secure the Southwest border and dividing trespassing families in the process.
We still don’t know how many illegals are in America or how many vote. Maybe we’re better off not knowing.
Socialism is back
#4: this isn’t a presidential election but that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of morons to vote for. Let’s start with Democrats who think that socialism will be the salvation of our economy.
Impeachment very much on the ballot
#5: impeachment is very much on the table if the GOP flunks midterms. The party is well on its way to doing exactly that.
Two more reasons not to vote this November
#6: ID still a problem? see #3 again. Identification is probably more of a problem for some citizens than for illegal immigrants. Fortunately this is America. We still don’t care about who you are as long as you vote.
One new reason not to vote this November
You live in Illinois. Why bother?
I just got my property tax escrow statement. The property tax portion of my monthly mortgage payment is now more than the principal and interest. The bad part is I owe a lot more money every month. The good part is that I wasn’t in the least bit surprised.
Illinois has two choices this November. The first is a Republican governor who vacillates between liberal and conservative policies and is rendered all but powerless by Madigan’s general assembly.
The other choice is, ironically, that most hated of all liberal things. He’s a billionaire.
This is Illinois politics so J.B. Pritzker gets a pass for being wealthy. Taxpayers won’t get a pass on still higher taxes and the trappings of liberal revenge that a Democratic governor will have no problem pushing through the legislature.
At least Pritzker is on the side of legal weed. When he’s done with us we’re going to need all we can smoke.