These Words Will Help You Spread Lies Like a Liberal

With aggressive plans that may or may not involve Congress and will definitely not include conservatives, the White House has to be creative when it comes to passing new laws. One trick is to use lots of buzzwords with hidden meanings that cover up liberal lies only Obama supporters understand.

There are so many great opportunities to speed up America’s decline that it must be very difficult to know where to start. Should Democrats axe spending cuts first while the White House spreads fear over the sequester (see: Halting the Sequester Will Be a Historic Betrayal), should they find a way to include a citizenship stamp on work permits, or should they manipulate cybersecurity so Washington can regulate the internet and make a little money on the side?

As a service to two vanishing relics, American conservatives and responsible taxpayers, here are some of the Democratic buzzwords you are going to hear over and over this year. They should be avoided at all costs, unless you plan on spreading lies like a liberal.

Affordable Care Act: A sucker bet that promises better health care for less money and smaller deficits with the government running the show.

Balanced approach: Tax increases, preferably on the wealthy, but also on the middle class if we can find a way to do it so they won’t notice (see: Seek the Public Trust: Don’t Screw Middle America).

Example: If we take a balanced approach to ignoring the deficit we can raise taxes and have more money to spend.  

Bipartisan: Any proposal with solid Democratic support that has received lip service by at least one turncoat Republican during the past decade.

Border security: An immigration enforcement measure no one takes seriously but has value because it can be traded to conservatives in exchange for an amnesty bill.

Example: Before we pass our amnesty bill, we should promise better border security to keep conservatives happy. Won’t they be surprised when we don’t do it!

Comprehensive immigration reform: An amnesty bill something we need to get on the books as quickly as possible and then explain the failures of later.

Constitution: An old piece of paper. Best ignored.

Cyber anything: An excuse to regulate, hire government employees, and spend lots of money in the name of something the government keeps proving it can’t do.

Example: The Department of Energy got hacked. Can we use that to threaten Americans with catastrophe and force a cybersecurity bill?

Gun control: A method for diverting Republicans from the fact that Democrats refuse to pass a budget, have no intention of dealing with the national debt or the deficit, and still believe that spending is the path to prosperity.

Illegals: Liberals hate this term. Conservatives should use it as often as possible.

Infrastructure: Refers to anything union workers can repair at great cost to taxpayers. Often used in the same sentence with “Davis-Bacon.”

Job creation: A government function that costs lots of money and makes the unemployment rate go up.

Nation of immigrants: A phrase used to make it seem like 11 million illegal immigrants belong here.

Nation of laws: A policy of ignoring the law and not doing anything about illegal immigration. Often used in a sentence with other liberal lies like “nation of immigrants.” Even some Republicans have been fooled into using this one.

Sequester: A vile mechanism approved by Congress for forcing our government to be fiscally responsible.

Example: We will have less money to spend if the sequester goes through. It will cut into our plans for a balanced approach to more spending.

Teachers: Public sector union members who should be paid as much as possible after they retire and should never, under any circumstances, be evaluated for the performance of their students.

Undocumented immigrant: A noble foreigner, often from Mexico or Central America, who risked life and limb to come here, deserves a better life in America as a matter of right, and will rescue our economy. Deserves as much help from taxpayers and the government as possible.

Example: I sure am glad my property tax increase will help educate undocumented immigrants. My kids are smart enough already. 

21^st Century: Something America won’t survive if we keep believing these liberal lies.