If you plan to stomach the State of the Union’s parade of poster children Tuesday night you probably already know what to expect. There will be a lot of talk about guns. Talk about jobs. Talk about the Affordable Care Act.

The chubby-faced whelp holding America and a good bit of the world in suspense with his lunatic ramblings could be one of America’s best friends. Our allies swear to support us when the press cameras flash, may come through in a pinch, and might even cough up a little cash when the world community decides to rescue the helpless in some out of the way hellhole, but let’s be honest.