Illinois Loves Its Governors: 5 Reasons Why

That makes two governors in a row for Illinois, folks. Say what you want about our budget woes, underfunded public pensions, and business hating tax rates. When it comes to corruption, no one can touch us. Illinois is king. With Rod Blagojevich making that long, teary journey from the governor’s mansion to the slammer, we can even stake a claim for bipartisanship. Blagojevich’s predecessor, inmate George Ryan, was a Republican.

Illinois loves its governors. They make life easy. With three of the last nine in prison and number four on his way in two short months, we do not concern ourselves with moral conundrums. When we step up to the voting booth we know the odds are almost even that our pick will wind up in jail, so we close our eyes and point. Even if we hit pay dirt and get a good one, there is always our state legislature to derail any value that might come from an honest leader.

Sometimes you have to look on the bright side.  We do a lot of that in Illinois. After all, we are still begging the country’s forgiveness for Barack Obama. Even though we live in an irretrievably corrupt and close to destitute state, there are still good things to be had here. If you are considering a foolish decision to move to Illinois, here are five positives to get you started:

1. When we vote, we never have to worry whether our candidate is a crook.

Bad behavior is revealed sooner or later. The feds watch our public officials like hawks. The process would be easier if the Justice Department turned an unused bedroom in the governor’s mansion into an office, so their agents and attorneys would not have to sneak around so much. Given the blatant behavior we are used to in Illinois, it would probably not detract from the conviction rate.

2. If our governors do a bad job, our chances of seeing them punished just went up.

That’s four out of nine convicted. Nothing like a perp walk or a sentencing on the news to give you the feeling of getting even. No matter what our officials do, we know we stand a good chance of watching them get theirs. Whether or not their crimes have anything to do with their responsibilities to the public is another issue, but payback is payback.

3. Our expectations are lower.

Even if our governors do a terrible job, if they keep their noses clean and manage to avoid prison, they look pretty good to us.

4. We have the opportunity to learn about the justice system.

White collar crime, appeals, sentencing hearings, bravado turning to teary confessions, you name it. Illinois residents know how the system works, inside and out. We have been there. There are no surprises. Rod Blagojevich was a little more exuberant than most, but when that gray day finally came last Wednesday and he stood before the judge for sentencing, his story ended just like the others.

5. Our governors help us feel better about ourselves.

Please don’t confuse us with those we elect to run our state. Most Illinoisans go to work, and pay our retroactively hiked income taxes so the state can fund public pensions (see: Public Employee Bailouts Will Ruin Our States) and subsidized illegal immigrant tuition (see: Broke Illinois Hatches Plan to Fund College for Illegals). We watch our elected officials pass out favors, bankrupt our state, and then go to jail, where we continue to support them with our tax dollars, and listen to arguments about whether they can collect their government pensions.

Ask yourself a question. Have you ever gone to bed thinking “I may not make a lot of money, my car is ten years old, my house needs a new roof, but at least I’m not like the governor?” Would you like to? Then move to Illinois.